I know I've been gone a long long time, but I hope some of my faithful readers will return to me soon!

I have been up and down in weight for the last forever. I've survived a 9 month deployment during which my husband had a very bad addiction to drugs (of the meth and coke variety) and cheated many times. I met my Captain (my best friend) on this deployment, completely earased a toxic friendship with Kelli, and learned what I need and want out of life, love and myself.  My husband went through rehab, about 5 months of relationship probation while he was in Florida still and we tryed to work things out, and now almost a year later, I am happy to report that my husband is clean and sober still, we are happier than we've ever been, we trust harder than we've ever trusted, and we have both learned how to live life to the fullest without playing in the mud with death.

This all being said, I became very happy with whatever size I happened to be at the time as well. Now, I am a slim 132pounds, as of this very morning.  for the last 5 days straight I have run everyday 3 or more miles, had coffee for breakfast, veggies, fruit and a small amount of chicken for lunch, and for dinner, veggies and whatever bit of protien I can get my hands on. (Oh by the way, I'm am out to sea yet again. 5 ships in 2 1/2 years, oh the life of the Squadron Navy! Only a quick 2 weeks this time though!). So you see there is no throwing up anymore, not for a long time. No cutting anymore, not since the darkest moments of deployment/my husbands addictions, and no more starving, although I do get awfully hungry at night but refuse to snack!! I s'pose I'm not doing this the 'right' way or the 'wrong way', who knows what that means anyways? But I do know right now, and since the day I truly realized I had gotten the man I love, my happy marriage, and a new lease on life and the way I need to live it, I've been doing it for the right reasons.  I do want a perfect body. I will have a perfect body again. If you had something once, you can get it again.

I got my husband back on my own terms didn't I? :) Without being pathetic and without ultimatums that sacrificed my own interests. I was strong, steadfast, determined, and I was ready to live life without him if that's what needed to happen. I was also patient, respectful, and supportive when I saw him trying to make things right. I always stayed close, but not close enough to be a crutch. He got out of his black hole on his own, all I did was stand in the light and encourage him to do so.

I'll give more tidbits into the drama of the rollercoaster deployment and his reecovery was in later entries.

Right now I just want to say....

I have awesome collor bones :P

CW: 132

Height: 5'4"

GW: 125

UGW: 120